What 3D Illusion? All I See is a Sailboat.

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Fetishes are funny things. And for the record, I don’t mean tickling fetishes (though I hear that’s popular). I mean once you’re kinked, there’s no going “straight”. The world just looks different to mind-control fetishists. An extreme close-up of a woman’s eyes (no matter the context) gets our attention in a way that might be awkward to explain. Those “Submit” buttons strewn across the internet have a whole different connotation for us. And, for me at least, these pictures of…whatever-the-hell-that-thing-is look far more sinister that they probably should.

This distinctive chair, with its built-in sound-system and unique approach to blocking out the stresses of the world, promises to introduce an immediate and deep state of relaxation. And I promise you that no one who is intentionally reading this blog has any doubt what sort of diabolical uses this thing has in the collective imagination of the mc community. The manufacturer, an Italian company called Exar, has a whole line of brainwashing relaxation chairs available. But none quite so borne directly from the id of a mind-control fetishist as this one. As a matter of fact, I’ll never again be able to read Tabico and thrall’s Salvation without picturing this thing in my head.

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For those skeptics out there who just see an Apple-designed piece of furniture, allow me to make my case:

  • This thing’s sound system is capable of generating low frequency binaural beats, which they refer to as “psychoacoustic stimulation”. Try searching for that phrase on the EMCSA, you’ll get a phone book worth of hits.
  • The interior space is “well protected”. Don’t kid yourself, “well protected” is Italian for Houdini-class restraint system. No one can escape the relaxation.
  • Notice how the only exposed portion of the body is the feet and lower legs. This is obviously so the relaxation victim can be fitted for a pair of those ridiculous heels that all brain-smoothed ladies end up wearing.
  • It has “Brainwashing Pod #8” written on the side in Italian. Trust me on this. No I don’t speak the language, but my wife is Italian so I know these things (via osmosis).

Satisfied? Even the name spells it out. Paradise? Please. That’s what every evil-brainwasher wants you to think “Oh you’ll be so much happier once you’re my willing thrall, it’s like being on vacation every day! Could you hand me those headphones?” Ever wonder how the “Paradise Relaxation Spa” can afford to give away all those free weekend spa treatments (for ladies only of course)? Two words: widespread-mind-control-consipracy. Kay that’s like three or four words, but you get the idea.

Try walking in and telling them you’re a talent agent for the Czech Republic Lingerie Models Consortium. The next question you’ll be asked will go something like “Boy we sure like Czech lingerie models around here! Say, when was the last time you sat in a piece of nice, relaxing post-modern Italian brainwashing furniture?” Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get you…and all your Czech-lingerie-model friends. Protect yourself, purchase my in-depth brochure explaining how to avoid sitting in a egg-shaped mind control chair.

Hmm…Y’know, as I look at that thing again, with the lady’s feet sticking out, it just occurred to me that I could be wrong about all this. Maybe its the tickling fetish after all.

Have a great weekend everybody.

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