Even at age seven, I was talking my friends into playing MC-themed games with me. I and most of the others would lie motionless on the floor, pretending to be zombified, while our controller stood over us and gloated about how much power she had over us.

Of course, I didn’t even know the word fetish back then, and I had no embarrassment about sharing my fantasies with others. It wasn’t until puberty hit that I started to realize I was a bit…different…in my likes and dislikes and started hiding.

Oh, loads of them. Superfriends seemed to have an MC-themed episode at least once a month, and that was one of my favorite shows. I was also reading a lot of superhero comic books with similar themes. Then there was Return from Witch Mountain, which I would be astonished to find that anyone besides me remembers – though it did feature Bette Davis, of all people, as the evil MC’er – and bunches and bunches of even more obscure TV shows and movies.

I swear, all those script writers must have been MC fetishists themselves and consciously trying to warp all our innocent, young minds in that direction.

Oh gosh, this is going to be seriously embarrassing. There’s this really horrible 80’s-era movie sequel (I’ll tell you the name at the end of this answer, but try to savor the moment while you can) with one single, split-second of a great scene near the end.

A supercomputer has gained self-awareness and somehow absorbs a secondary villainess into itself. You see wires and metal plating flying around her, attaching itself to her, as she struggles briefly before falling limp. Her eyes close, then snap open a moment later – and they’re solid, pearly silver. Just for a second there, the movie hits awesomeness. Then mediocrity reasserts itself and a pathetically clunky-looking robot with a bad wig lurches out of the chamber to wreak minor havoc before being destroyed. It’s really tragic.

So, do you still want to know the movie’s title? Okay, it’s Superman III. There now, aren’t you glad you asked?

I can only guess, but I suspect it was nurture, since my early childhood was spent in a pretty strict, fundamentalist household and I always had a strong desire to please. Then later, after the biggest fundamentalist influence (my father) left, I kept on trying to be the Good Little Girl as a way of making up for my brother’s excesses.

I always had a very strong sense of responsibility. I think that’s why the thought of being a will-less slave is so appealing to me: it allows me to be as perfect as my controller wants me to be and at the same time to give up my own sense of responsibility entirely.

It was shortly after I discovered I was a lesbian. Even though I’d come to a point where I could accept homosexuality from a theological standpoint, I continued to struggle for awhile with accepting my MC fetish as okay. But finally I broke down, realizing that I wasn’t going to get rid of it no matter how hard I tried, so I might as well give in and enjoy.

I was already enough of an Internet geek to know that, no matter how bizarre your interest, you can always find a whole group of people devoted to the same thing online; so I just googled “mind control,” and up popped the EMCSA. It did take me awhile to catch on to all the coding and to learn which authors were worth reading and which weren’t, but the moment I stumbled across Tabico’s In the Back of My Mind, I knew I’d found a home.

I think this goes back to the “nature vs. nurture” question. It’s the thought of surrendering all control and responsibility, letting someone else do all the heavy lifting while you (read: I) just relax and revel in being exactly what that other person wants you to be.

Oh, I’ve been writing ever since I learned how to write; I’ve always loved it. My first (pitifully tame) heterosexual mc-erotica was written in my teens. Every once in awhile the fantasies in my head would reach critical mass and I’d have to spill them out onto a page somewhere. But once I’d gotten them out, I didn’t feel any need to hold onto them; it just wasn’t safe. So I burned them in the back yard. My stepfather caught me at it once but, thankfully, didn’t ask any questions.

In college my mc-erotica was a little bolder, usually vampire-themed, and still heterosexual. Since I didn’t have any convenient place to burn things there, I kept journals of backwards writing (It’s a trick many lefties possess). Not a perfect solution, but workable.

I didn’t start writing really explicit erotica until I found the EMCSA, and even then, it took me awhile to really cut loose. Looking back on the first version of Spellbound recently, I couldn’t help cringing at how clinical the language sounded, so I fixed it. The version that’s up now is much more in keeping with the general EMCSA tone.

There are almost too many to mention. In the EMCSA world, you’ve got all the top F/f writers like Tabico, trilby else, Sara H, and a host of others I won’t try to name for fear of accidentally leaving someone out. In general fantasy and SF, there are writers like Tolkien, Lovecraft, Gaiman, Herbert, Gibson…again, too many to name. I could go on for days. I have bookcase after bookcase in every room of my home except the bathroom.

Well, obviously, being a lesbian, I’m most turned on by women dominating women. However, I do like men and believe in equal opportunity, so I try to include them in the play whenever possible.

Actually, a better question for me might have been, why have I written tales (or parts of tales) in every color code except yellow? The answer to that is, it comes too close to real life discrimination for me to get any pleasure out of it. It’s the same reason you’ll never see me write a story exclusively about a black heroine succumbing to a white controller. There’s just too much genuine history of pain and persecution in that area for me to enjoy it.

Well, like I said above, it didn’t take me long after realizing I was a lesbian to fully succumb to my fetish. And it was only when I started to explore that fetish from an F/f angle that I discovered just how…exciting…it could really be.

Then once I started writing hardcore erotica, I found myself able to appreciate my sexuality in a way I never had before. It’s like a never-ending cycle. Now I have a girlfriend to share my writings with, and you can imagine where all that leads. 😉